Moved

Sorry the blog has been abandoned and you can visit my new blog if you want. it's too hard to juggle two blogs.

http://hamsapnothamsap.blogspot.com

cheers

A new life

So the sausage lover is back after almost 7 months of not updating the blog. Back for good? yeh definitely, but how long will it last? i couldn't tell, really.

So what has been happening?

The sausage lover left his second sausage after around three months of being together and 2 months of long distance relationship. Let me tell you, it's really hard to have a long distance relationship, let alone the fact that we had only known each other for three months before parted. Oh well, it's a mutual breakup at least, no party was hurt and no tears were wasted in the relationship. I reckon we were just not in love with each other, at least not that deeply in love.

My big bro told me that coming out is an ongoing process. You will never stop coming out till death and i couldn't agree more with it. Since i first started coming out to my friend last year, i found it easier and easier to come out to people around me, close or not close enough it isn't a big deal anymore. The most important thing is that i am happy being my own self, and i accept who i am, and not to forget find my true love. With this belief being rooted in my head and then my heart, i came out to the girl i liked (i wouldn't call it love, but if i am not gay, she would be the love of my life i reckon). And bang, she couldn't accept it and she was all heartbroken and of course the sausage lover felt extremely guilty for leaving her for another sausage. And for a few months after that, the sausage lover actually developed a phobia towards the sausages. how sad could it be? Afraid of loving and being loved again? Afraid of karma taking place on me? i don't know, but throughout the months, lessons learnt, and i became more and more appreciative and am actually very clear of what i really want with my life. No longer at the crossroad, no longer having to hide in the closet, and definitely on my way to the bumpy yet promising life that every gay guy could ever relish.

After a year, after all the sausages, the sausage lover is better at handling his love life now. No more unnecessary attachment, no more silly commitment, and absolutely zero unrequitted love now. and yes, the curiousity has vanished and that means the sausage lover is not going to hunt for random sausages anymore, but A sausage that is worthy of his money, and his time. And fortunately, he has found one at the least expected moment- when he was all depressed and
decided to stay single for a year. So yeh, the staying-single-plan is being put aside currently, or hopefully forever. He is driving along the highway leading to happiness, with his lover sitting next to him holding hands together. There will be a few pit stops, or maybe a lot, but he is keeping his fingers crossed that his lover will not let go of his hands at any of those pit stops.

So the promiscuous sausage lover is gone??? for good??? yeah i hope so. But no matter what, he will still remain as the sausage lover, and working his way through the life, and eventuall find his only sausage.

p/s: the sausage lover is still horny as hell like he used to be. So what's gonna come up next? well the story with the new lover is yet to be revealed.

Fuckbuddy, one night stand and casual sex

Nine months ago, i didn't even know what's fuck buddy, in this case i mean what's fuck buddy like. But a few days ago, i received a call from my fuck buddy asking me to catch up.

What's the difference between fuck buddy, one night stand, and casual sex?

To be honest i don't quite know the difference. But according to my own way of differentiating them, fuck buddy is someone you will have sex with at least once, while you will only have sex with your one-night-stand partner or the casual sex partner once at most.

Another question pops up in my mind " How could you then differentiate one night stand from casual sex? "

In this case, i think for one night stand, you will sleep together with the guy, cuddling him to sleep or being cuddled. But not in the case of casual sex where you just practise the touch-and-go concept (leave right after the sex, and there is no second call). I would say that you use your body and dick to communicate during one night stand, but you use only your dick to communicate in the casual sexs!

My fuckbuddy Eric left me with a lot of questions after i first had sex with him 7 months ago. Why couldn't we become friends and go out for a drink togther? Why must the catch-up session involve only sex?

It's only after the second time having sex with him that i realised that's what a fuck buddy is like! It's only the physical attraction that keeps us both in touch, yeh, nothing more than that! That makes sense when i recalled that i refused or didn't give the other guys i used to hook up with a second call as i wasn't sexually or physically attracted to them.

So what's so special about Eric that i agreed to catch up with him for the second time after the first hook up?

Yeah, the same old reason that 10 out of 10 gay guys would tell you, HE IS HOT!

Plus, he always smells nice, he shaved his ball, and he is a great kisser!

what else?

He is a bi-guy and straight-acting.

Actually he has everything that i want from a boyfriend. blame the lack-of-spark between us then!

Where is the fourth catching-up-session going to take place? We are thinking of the showers in the swimming pool! and the both of us are speedo fanatic!

I said " i love you"

It was the first time i said " i love you" to someone, the first time i felt that i am loved and and the first time love had really striken me in the deepest bit of my heart.

Backdated to June 2007, after 4 months in Sydney, after i had realised life wasn't all about guys and bfs, i met him (let's call him S) online. We chatted on msn, to my surprise, the conversation went on and on that we were so reluctant to call it a night. We pretty much texted each other, chatted online, and viewed each other in the webcam after that. The feeling towards him got stronger and stronger that i took the initiative to give him a surprise by paying him a visit at his work place after he finished work. yeah, he was so shocked (sadly to say, i couldn't recognize him the moment i saw him, but fortunately he did) that silence filled the gap for 5 minutes.

We went to a Thai restaurant for dinner. i was the only one eating, he had had his dinner that's why. Not much effort was needed to strike up the conversation as we were babbling throughout the dinner. We went for a walk along the beach afterwards and it seemed to me that the spark was going on. So after a month of chatting on line, we sorta met each other and it's definitely a good one.

Not long after that, i told him that i loved him (i know, that's quick, i had lost at the first place being the first one to say i love him). He didn't say it back as he wasn't sure of his feelings at that time. i was kinda disappointed, and worried that it's going to be an unrequitted love.

A few days later, he said he had something to tell me and asked if i was ready. He told me those three words i had been waiting for when i least expected it. i felt like i had hit the jackpot and was all excited about it.

We were together for three months. three full months filled with happy memories. However, every good thing comes to an end. We decided to take a break from our relationship when i sent him a text "are you leaving me hun?". He was an english and was here on working visa, he didn't want us to get upset when he had to go back to england. so we kinda agreed on taking a break just before we were more deeply in love.

Parting while still loving each, that's the worst thing of all i guess.

To be honest, we had sex only after two months we had known each other. most of my friends said that's unhealthy. Sex is not the priority but we can't deny the fact that sex is important, it somehow keeps the relationship in place.

The gifts lover is ready to move on. yeah, i am sorta going out with somebody (i know, a month after the breakup is kinda fast, will talk more about it later). yeah, more sausages are on the way!

First Date

After Mardi Gras 2007 which was held in Sydney in March, which is a month after i have been in Sydney, i signed up a gaydar account for myself (yeah, i pretty much knew the website from the banner during mardi gras).

The initial purpose of getting an account there was to make friends in Sydney (so much as i thought it is the website to make new friends, but well, you know what's gone on then).

After a few weeks or so, there was this guy who sent me a msg and we kinda chatted to each other for a while. it's then i decided to give it a go and met up with the guy. he is 27 years old anyway, and i thought well it's still in my scale~

The date was smooth and easy. we went for movie and dinner. yeah, such a cliche you might think, but i am sure that's pretty much the thing you would do on a first date (or maybe that's the weekly routine for everyone). Nothing much happened except he kissed me on the lips. i kinda felt awkward and uneasy i would consider that's my first kiss with a guy. To be honest, i felt a bit for him, but i was holding it back, dared not to express my true feeling.

It's after the date that he told me he liked me. Of course i was happy about it. We sorta texted each other but nothing had really taken place. So at the end it didn't work out and i didn't see any guys until i met my first boyfriend (will talk about it later).

Looking back on my first date, which was 7 months ago, i realised that i once thought of settling down with him though i wasn't sure i liked him that much, just because i felt that he was the only one around. Yeah, the introspection has told me that i was really silly. Worse comes to worse, i am still having that kinda thought at the moment whenever i am going on a date with someone. Call me SILLY.

First Post

Inspired by my big brother, and the urge to share my stories with poeple who are interested, i decided to get myself a new blog. By saying new blog, that means i have another blog which obvously i can't really share every story that took place in my life in there, let alone the stories that involved my true identity as i am only partially out and totally not out to my family yet.

Just going to introduce myself a bit here. I am 19 (yeah i know,i am still a spring chicken), currently an international uni student who is doing his Engineering degree here in Aus. They said engineering is quite a homophobic career field but there are so many engineers who are gays out there.

Over the past 8 months in Sydney, i started experiencing my real life, my life of being gay.I have had my first relationship with a guy, casual sexual encounters (yeah,gay guys are horny) and the experiences of coming out to my friends which i am going to tell later.

ok, that's about it. and oh yeh, by all the physical and mental reactions i have had looking at the guy in the picture above, i can assure myself that i am indeed a gay..